I found my self for the past week worrying about the future, and what the next step in my life will be for me. For example, what do I do after my time here in Nepal? Do I stay at Ivenwold? Do I go to New York and help out there? Should I go out of the country again? Do I go home and start school and do an internship somewhere? Should I start thinking of pursuing a girl? On top of that I was trying to be intentional with my time here with the guys. Needless to say, I was worrying about a lot and I was getting very distracted. I was overwhelmed by all of these things.  I told Jordan everything I was thinking and worrying about and asked him for some advice. While talking with him, I realized that I wanted everything to be in my control and my timing, but the things I was worrying about weren’t in my control at all. I can’t make any of these decisions until I get back in the states. I won’t know if should stay at Ivenwold until I’m there. I wont know if I am to go to NYC until I go there again and live it out. I am not in the place right now where I need to be worrying about girls, as I’m 7500 miles away from any girl I’m even remotely interested in. I won’t know if I am to go home until I get there.

Then it hit me!

God has given me this crazy amazing adventure and opportunity to be in Nepal, doing what I love! Why the heck am I so worried about the next step? I have an adventure right in front of me…A battle to fight, and people to love. How could I be worried about the future and what I don’t have any control over? How could I pass up the adventure and battle right in front of me? So I used a day to pray and get re-focused. I feel like worrying like this thing is very common with everyone but more so with people my own age. For the most part, everyone is worried about what’s next or what the future holds. We forget about what is happening right in front of us. Many people let their past decide the present and the future; they think they are stuck in a rut, when that isn’t even true. The past is the past for a reason. It’s over, and can’t be changed. The present is the only thing we have some kind of control, if any at all. I can remember a time when I lived in the past…It was a hard way to live.

When I prayed, I prayed for forgiveness for things I did that were wrong in the past and thanked God for the things I learned in the past as well all the amazing adventures he gave me to go on. I prayed for my present as well, and I prayed that the Holy Sprit would guide me and be with me. I prayed for my future also, I prayed that God would be in control and that the Holy Spirit would guide me to that future a little more each day.  I told God that I didn’t want to be in control or have things come in the time I wanted. I wanted him to be in control and I wanted his timing for my life. When I was done I felt so much lighter and more focused on loving and being intentional with the guys here. It is a great feeling not being in control. You are free to go and do what the spirit leads you to do, and that is really living. You are living the life God wanted you to live. You are going on all the amazing adventures, and you are fighting battles that need to be fought. That’s the life I want to live. I cannot even think how different the world would be if we all lived in this way. Not just living for the future or letting the past decide what happens, but letting the Spirit guide you to your true future in the present, with what is going on right now.

However, I am not saying living in this way is rainbows and lollipops. Life is still going to be hard. Living this way may get you spiritual, emotional, and physical wounds. As soon as I felt refocused and at peace, The Devil was already trying to take my new-found life away. Here’s what happened… When I got up the next morning Raj and I went to buy a water pump for the well. The pump’s purpose would be to bring up the water from the well to the water tank above the house so we could use the sinks and flush the toilets. Anyway, I was working on putting it together, and I connected the hoses and connected the wires to the plug so it would work. We were almost done when I had to cut some of the hose off the pump, and as I was doing this my hand slipped and I cut my middle finger. When I got done one of the guys said, “Wes, you’re bleeding bad.” I looked at my hand and it was bleeding pretty bad. I got some toilet paper and wiped the blood away…It was cut deep. I knew I was doing something right if The Devil was attacking me like this. I got a little light-headed from looking at it, but I didn’t let it bother me. I busted out my first aid kit, disinfected it, wrapped it up, and prayed that God would heal me. Now, I do have to admit I was/am worried it will get infected, but I’m cleaning it and praying that God heals me. To my amazement it’s healing really fast which is great! (Ha, again please pray for my safety so I don’t keep getting hurt) I’m going to wear the scar on my finger (when it comes) as a medal, like a “purple heart”. I will think of it as a battle wound because I was wounded while fighting the devil from distracting me from the life I am called to live by God. I’d rather have battle wounds then self-inflicted wounds trying to control everything. I’m at peace with the wound I have because I am living the life God wants me to live, and I’m not getting distracted by The Devil trying to stop me.

From all of this I learned that the Holy Spirit is always with me and is trying to guide me to the future God has for me. If I can let go of the past and future, and let the Spirit guide me, then I am really living. When I am living in this way The Devil is going to try and stop me any way he can, and he is going to try to wound me any way he can. As long as I find my strength in God and cling to him when I am in a battle for my life, I have nothing to fear. I know I will always prevail victoriously over The Devil, and my wounds will heal no matter how deep or painful they are.

Remember the truth and forget the lies.

Wes Tatum